Hello bitches!!

So i got one of those "phishing" e-mail today...you know the ones, where your eBay/Paypal/Bank Account has been compromised and you have to go to a totally unsecured website and input your name, address, social security number, credit card numbers, PIN for your credit card, birthday, favorite color, preferred sexual position and basically sign your soul over to Satan for ever and ever, amen.

So here's the text of the e-mail along with some of my unique comments...

You have received this email because we have strong reasons to believe that your eBay account had been recently compromised.In order to prevent any fraudulent activity from occuring we are requied to ope an investigation into this matter.

OK, so besides the fact that the first sentence sounds someone with only a passing knowledge of the English fucking language, like a Yugoslavian refugee or Paris Hilton wrote it, everything seems to be on the up and up. Nevermind the fact that there's no space between the end of one sentence and the beginning of the next and these assclowns have somehow misspelled "required" and "open" as well...I mean, eBay is a multi-million dollar company and they simply don't have the time to proofread every single little e-mail they send out...especially when alerting people to potential account problems. That'd be like a major publishing company sending marketing materials and proposals through their in house proofing department...that's all a bunch of new age tomfoolery.

To speed up this proces, you are required to complete your eBay account by following the link below

https://www.ifyousigninherewewillstealyouridentityyoudumbmotherfucker.com
(To complete the verification procces you must field all the requied fields)

So they've misspelled "process" not once but twice and I can only assume they mean they want me to FILL all the required fields on the website they're asking me to go to. Also do I actually need to "complete" my eBay account? If my account was incomplete then I wouldn't have to worry about anyone using it. It would be...incomplete. Damn eBay sure is slipping...but so far there's no reason that a semi-intelligent person's bullshit detector should be ringing like a firebell in Detroit on fucking Devil's Night is there? I mean everything looks legitimate to me.

Please Note:
If your account informations are not updated within the next 72 hours,then we will assume this account was compromised and will be suspended.We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud.

Uh, my account "informations"? How many informative doohickeys are attached to this stinking account anyway? Also, the geniuses have another space missing in the middle of a sentence. "Account" is mispelled and apparantly Paris Hilton/the Yugoslavian refugee have continued with their fine grammar work well into this part of the message. But my personal favorite is this little gem, "We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud." So what they're saying is that they want to make sure they stop fraudulent fraud. Well god bless them. Why is it that these motherfuckers can spell "fraudulently" but they can't spell "process", "open", "required" or any of the other words they butchered in this silly little missive?

We appreciate your support and understanding we work together to keep eBay a safe place to trade.

Thank you for your attention on this serious matter.We apologize for any delay on resolving this situation.

Goddamn. Who in their right fucking mind would ever believe this was sent by anyone other then some half educated dipshit?

You know what...people deserve to have their identity stolen. If you are so damn stupid that you actually read that e-mail and believe it actually came from someone other then Bob the Cyber Criminal then you deserve to get ripped off.

I find myself with very little sympathy for the dumbasses in this world who blindly do whatever someone tells them.

Do us all a favor spunky and fucking THINK for a change. Your brain is not simply there to absorb commercial jingles, republican rhetoric and antiquated religious nonsense.

You bunch of fucking sheep.