Cinlach's Place

I'm jumping ship...off to Word Press!

2005-12-31T12:08:00.000-05:00

yeah...

So, I guess this is it.

I mean, we knew this day would come eventually...I mean, not all relationships can last forever.

I know we were only together for about 6 months...and in the beginning I was happy. As happy as I've ever been to tell the truth.

But after a few months it just...well, it just wasn't as good anymore.

It's nothing you did. I guess something about me changed during the time we met, first carried out our whirlwind time together.

Look, you'll be fine without me...You've got lots of folks to help you get through this tough time.

I'll think about you often and the wonderful times we shared...but I simply must go.

If you ever need to get in touch with me all you have to do is visit www.cinlachsplace.wordpress.com

Take care of yourself Blogger...I'm sure we'll see each other again.

I'm glad we could do this as mature adults and still remain friends.

My Redneck Christmas Eve...

2005-12-26T22:38:00.000-05:00

So I almost ended up murdering someone on Christmas Eve.

Do I have your attention yet?

So here's the deal...I'll start at the beginning, which is always an excellent place to start. Unless your life is like the movie Memento which is a simple and straightforward little tale when compared to the serenity which is my family life.

Every year my grandparents invite all of us over to their house for a Christmas Eve party. The attendees also include my aunt from Atlanta and her family but also the family of close friends of my Grandparents. Even though they're not technically "related" to us, I and the rest of us consider them to be part of our family.

Around noon, Mom, Brian and Andrew decide to head over to the Grandparents in order to help them get everything ready for the upcoming festivities. Grandma and Papa were hit especially hard by the ice storm a couple of weeks back and at one point I was pressing hard to have the party moved to my house in order to make it a little easier on everyone involved. The Grandparents said no and the rest was soon to become history.

About 4:30 (2 full hours before any of the guests would start to arrive) my father pulls into the shared driveway between my Grandparents house and my former childhood home. No one really notices anything unusual until they begin to hear the horn of his car blaring loudly and proudly throughout the neighborhood.

It's assumed, and logically so, that his girlfriend/punching bag/cash cow is down at the old Kilpatrick homestead and Daddy dearest is simply impatient for her to get a move on so he can continue to sample the very best Milwaukee has to offer.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. He was alone, drunk and filled with the vigor that only alcohol and the knowledge that no one is around who's capable or willing to stand up to him can bring.

Soon he's screaming "Where is she?" and "Why won't she come out here and see me?" These questions are of course all directed towards my Mother as she is in the process of divorcing his hairy little troll ass. All during his little tirade he's laying on the car horn, revving the engine to the point of distress, spinning the tires in the driveway and basically making an obnoxious ass out of himself.

Wisely, no one answers his laughable summons and while they are shaken, they remain filled with the Christmas spirit and continue preparing for their yuletide gathering.

Dad leaves, but only after becoming so entangled in the complexities of "backing out of the driveway" that it takes him several attempts to get out into the road. During his escape from the devilry that is my Grandparents simple straight in and out driveway, he backs into their mailbox reducing it to splinters and hopefully causing severe damage to his piece of shit car.

A few minutes pass and then the horn is heard again. He's back ladies and gentlemen!

This time, He's pulled in directly behind my Grandparents car, laying on the horn, gunning the engine, spinning the tires and shouting obscenities.

While my father does his best drunken Jeff Gordon impersonation, my grandfather calls the police. Once they get there and while he's talking to the patrolman he think's he sees Dad driving down the road...apparantly attempting to pull off the trifecta of assholiness.

Cut to my house, some 20 minutes away...the calm before the storm as it were.

Carla and I aren't feeling especially chipper and have just decided that we're not going to be able to attend the Christmas Eve party. It'll be the first one I've ever missed and while I'm kinda bummed I'll be missing it I just don't feel like going and I especially don't want to go without Carla. I call with my sincerest apologies and deliver the news that we won't be attending but I will be seeing my Grandparents on Christmas day for dinner at my house.

There's a strange tension on the other end of the phone. My mother says she needs to talk to me...there's a pause, and when she returns to the line she's crying.

The story of harassment is relayed and I am MOST displeased. Mom wasn't going to say anything about it to me but finally did so at the urging of my Grandmother who felt I needed to know what was going on. Mom said she was also very much looking forward to my being there because she simply felt safer if I was in close proximity. That was all I needed to hear.

I'm so angry I literally cannot stop shaking. I'm prepared to do things...violent and brutal things.

I get dressed, tell Carla to go to her mother's house in order to make sure she's taken care of and set off on a leisurely jaunt to Easley and my date with agression, anger and patricide.

When I arrive I don't really get out of my car...I launch out ready to fucking throw down. I'm here for one reason and one reason only...to fucking hurt someone. I didn't come for the cocktail weenies, deviled egg sandwiches, sausage balls or chex mix. In the immortal words of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper from the movie They Live, "I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum." You're goddamn right...out of bubblegum indeed.

Inside, my Mother is trying to convince me that there's no way Dad will come back...not when all the folks are there. He's simply too big a coward to mess with people who are not only fully capable of putting his fat ass in traction but highly fucking motivated to do it as well.

I know differently...I KNOW he'll be back. Even if it's just to ride down the road and blow the horn like a big pussy.

My brother Andrew casually mentions that he's probably at the VFW (Veteran's of Fine Wine) across the highway and only about half a mile from my Grandparents house. I ask "You really think so?" as I'm grabbing my coat and heading out the door...only to be tackled by my Grandfather and Mother who beg me not to go.

"He's not worth getting in trouble for" they tell me..."You'll end up in jail and it's not worth it"...Bullshit, it's totally fucking worth it I tell them...take your hands off me.

"I just want to ride by and see if he's there, I'll come right back"...which was an absolute and total lie. If you had been driving a white GMC Jimmy and had happened to have been at that particular VFW then you would've come out only to find your car had no windows, four flat tires and the my phone number spray painted on your fucking hood. Sorry about that...it would've been an honest mistake. No hard feelings right?

After being forced to promise I wouldn't go decimate the VFW, I assumed my place in a shadowy spot outside. I met every car as it pulled up...

As people began to arrive, I made them aware of the situation, told them politely that I'm not here for the party and that I'm only here to break someone's fucking jaw if given the chance.

Please...pretty please with sugar on top.

About 7:45 as I'm standing in the shadows of my Grandparents house when I see a strangely familiar set of headlights. The 1999 white GMC Jimmy slowly comes around the corner towards...me.

As it continues to slow I take off after them...it's him. Dear God...what a wonderful Christmas present.

He sees me and speeds up.

"Hey, come here...I thought you wanted to talk to someone? Get the fuck back here and talk to me motherfucker! Are you gonna sit in the road and blow the horn like a fucking pussy or are you going to come back up here so we can fucking talk?"

"Where you goin'? I thought you were billy fucking bad-ass tonight? You'll come fuck with two 75 year old people, a woman and two children but you won't come talk that shit to one man?"

Alas, he was gone. My grandfather was pleading with me to come inside. I was having none of it...I was standing dead center in the middle of the road where anyone who wanted to could see me quite easily...and see me he did.

This is my home and my family. I will not stand for threats or intimidation towards my family...ever.

So on the off-chance this should be seen by a certain pair of eyes...know this. My fucking address hasn't changed, I still work at the same place and my phone numbers are all the fucking same.

Come talk that shit to me and see what it gets your ass.

You and I are done...from that day until time untold I have no father. You're no relation to me. I'll not be associated with anyone who conducts themselves in such a base and cowardly manner.

Eventually, you and I will cross paths again...it's inevitable.

And on that day you'd best be ready, because I sure as hell will be.

Oh, by the way...Merry Christmas you filthy cocksucker.

Merry Christmas, bitches!

2005-12-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

That's right...I said Merry fuckin' Christmas.

Not "Happy Holidays", "Merry Xmas", or even "Season's Greetings".

I said "Merry Motherfucking Christmas".

Let's set the stage. I'm not what one might call an overtly religious kinda dude. If asked I usually reply that I'm a "recovering Southern Baptist". That normally shuts people up and prevents them from asking anymore unwanted queries.

While I'm not busting at the seams with religious dogma or any of that shit there is one thing that I absolutely refuse to bend on. December 25th is Christmas...don't fucking think that you can just change the goddamn name and thereby shelter yourself from concepts or ideology that you don't subscribe to. I'm not ranting and raving in order to get Election Day called "National Buttfucked By Politicians Day".

So if I can deal with shit I find offensive and morally wrong like January 17th being declared "National Penguin Awareness Day" then you can goddamn well handle a "Merry Christmas" every once and awhile.

Don't hit me with the old "But I don't believe in Jesus...the term Christmas is offensive to me." Well then don't fucking celebrate it. It's that fucking simple.

This is the weirdest damn country and society in the world. Only in America does the phrase "majority rules" mean so much and so little at the same time.

If some Texan cow-molester ends up as President of the United States then it's chalked up to the "majority rules".

But if I want to wish someone a "Merry Christmas" I have to be sensitive to the minority of the population who doesn't believe in the concept.

Where the fuck is the logic in that? Can someone, anyone, tell me how that stupid shit came about?

If you want to celebrate Hanukkah, then knock yourself out..have a ball.

If you choose to observe Kwanzaa, then I hope you have yourself a merry little Kwanzaa.

If you're really into the Winter Solstice and want to party with the Earth spirits then the Goddess bless you.

But for the other 75% of the country, they're going to put up a goddamn Christmas tree, sing Christmas carols, erect Nativity scenes in their front yards, and all that other Christian shit that Christians do at this point of the year.

I don't dig on Christmas myself, but it's not because of conflicting religious notions. I simply find the entire holiday to be way too contrived and two-faced for my liking. People who wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire now go out of their way to wish you "Merry Christmas" when you pass them in the street. Fucking false assholes...you want to impress me with your piety? Then act like that all goddamn year...then I might not want to smack the taste out of your mouth.

Oh, by the way...Jesus WAS NOT born on December 25th. According to theological researchers, he was probably born in Spring or Summer due to the activities of the Shepherds in the area. The only reason December 25th is the day now known as Christmas is due to the desire of the early Christian church to compete with the roman holiday of Saturnalia. Saturnalia was the feast at which the the Romans commemorated the dedication of the temple of the god Saturn, which took place on December 17th. Don't believe me? Click here... Saturnalia...yeah, that's right you just got owned.

So the point of all this is, don't get your panties in a knot just because someone happens to have a Christmas wreath up instead of a Menorah.

We're all fully free to look to Jesus, Satan, Mohammed, Buddha or any vast number of religious or spiritual figures for help and guidance.

Just get the fuck over it already.

Is it any wonder people are laughing at the Christian world?

2005-11-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

OK folks...before I've even started writing I can tell this will be a doozy of a post.

So either settle in for the ride or hop out now...there'll be no stops mid-journey.

A buddy on an online message board I frequent posted the following...the stupidity and egotistical nature of some "devout" christians never ceases to amaze and sadden me.

The following will be uncorrected or unaltered by me. My comments will appear in bold font...let the slaughter begin.

Dear Ms Agnus,
First I would like to commend you for your faith, and conviction. In today's God-less society, it is wonderful to see someone, such as you, stand up against the immoral decay that has plagued our great, christian nation. I, too, am sick of the filth, violence, and sex which have somehow become part of everyday life. (It's ALWAYS been a part of our everyday life. Just because it was never spoken about before doesn't mean it didn't exist. Does this person obviously believe all the fucked up things in our society came about over the last 50 years?) Keep up the wonderful work, you are truely (Nice spelling there genius.) one of God's most blessed messengers.

I was wondering if you could help me. (Bitch I don't think there's a soul alive that can help you. You're like a lifetime fucking project.) My 16 year old son is a wonderful christian, but today's music is making it hard for him to even listen to it. He recently told me about a band that one of his school friends told him about and I was nearly physically ill. His friend showed him the website and he was so disgusted that he told me about it as soon as he came home. He also told me he would no longer associate with this "friend" as it was evident that they did not believe in God, since he liked this sort of filth. I told you he was a great kid. (OK, so wouldn't a better christian example have been for the "moral" child to remain as a positive influence in the "immoral" childs life? Newsflash, Jesus didn't shun sinners; he embraced them. Ever hear of Mary Magdalene the harlot or Zaccheus the tax collector? Jesus was told by his followers and disciples not to associate with people of that "nature" but he knew that saved people didn't need to hear his message. The unsaved did...it's pointless to convert a flock of believers you dumbass.)

The band is known as EZT which I believe stands for Eviscerated Zombie Tampon. This vile disgusting band has the most blasphemous site and stage show ever. The lead singer dresses up as our saviour, Jesus Christ (Thanks for the clarification asswipe. Up until you mentioned Jesus I thought you meant our saviour Bozo the Clown.) and openingly mocks him. This singer has also similated the rape of a altarboy on stage (Well I tell you what if the clergy will stop fucking the alterboys then the world will stop making fun of them.), while dressed this way. There is another band member who dressed up as the Pope and a third (female) who acted as if she was Terri Shaivo! (Unless Terri has been cannonized then making fun of her is anything but blasphemous. It may be in poor taste but it's certainly not sacreligious. Get your facts straight ya bonehead.) They even have a CD out called F word Easter. I can't bring myself to repeat such filth.(But I see that alluding to it is perfectly ok...so now the only thing wrong with the word FUCK is the UCK...interesting philosophy there Aristotle.)

Please tell everyone to ban this disgusting, sick group of sinners. The website is: http://www.geocities.com/ezt_rules (Their website hits just went through the roof jackass...anyone who dresses up like a priest and fucks alterboys on-stage just wants to be seen...thanks for fulfilling their wet dream you dumb fuck.)

Our children must be warned and protected.

Your friend in Christ,
Cindy Mae Madison
--------------------
Your Email Address: *Edited out*
Your Name: A concerned Christian Mother

Thanks you for the kind words Madam. See, what this concerned mother has done is bring to light the demonic poison known as "heavy metal" also known as "dark music" which was first created by Marilyn Manson (Uh, so you've never heard of Alice Cooper or Black Sabbath who predate Marilyn Manson by nearly 30 years. At least you seem knowledgable on the subject, I'm sure anything you have to say will be insightful and well researched...cock.) for those of you unfamiliar with the blasphomous (If you can't spell the word "blasphemous" then you shouldn't use it...aren't you supposed to be a religious figure of some import?!?!) music.

I looked into the page that mother directed me to and I couldn't help but feel my eyes water. I started crying. "Why could such disgusting filth even bother to exist?" (Ask God you super genius...he allowed it to exist.) , I kept asking myself. It is so sad knowing bands like that are making millions of dollars everyday and being exposed on millions of television and radios worldwide (HAHAHAHA...Do you honestly think for a moment that 95% of those bands much less a band like "Eviscerated Zombie Tampon" has a big enough audience to make millions of dollars and be seen on millions of TV's? How retarded are you anyway? If you're such an expert on "Heavy Metal" or "Dark Music" then you'd have heard of these bands before now...they wouldn't have been brought to your attention by a housewife from West Virginia. If the majority of these bands ever see a million dollars it'll be either on TV or at the movies.) . Why can't we have pro-Christian music get that much exposure (Mainly because most Christian music sucks giant rhino cock...there are a few really good Christian bands out there. Ever hear of Creed, Switchfoot, or P.O.D.??)? Instead we see this new Zombie Tampon metal band become big (HAHAHAHA...They wish babe.) and damage our degenrate youth (Well if they're already degenerate youth then what's the problem? They're not likely to get any worse.) with harmful messages. When is the governemnt going to actually step in and monitor the damging music in our society?

All these Marliyn Manson type bands make me sick (Actually Marilyn Manson isn't a band...it's one dude.). They make millions of dollars by spreading hate. The only people that deserve that much money are the churches so that we could get bigger churches to house more Chirstians (And theme parks, don't forget theme parks...and fucking prostitutes...and expensive clothes, cars, and houses) . Has anyone else noticed how small churches are compared to shopping malls? (Well it's quite simple really. Most of America is intelligent enough to see through the bullshit posturing that runs rampant through most churches...leaving the few good ones out there with a stigma they don't deserve. Oh, and Xbox games, shoes, chocolate chip cookies, smoothies and clothing stores...that's probably the other reason Malls are so much bigger then churches. The sad thing is this person actually thinks they're intelligent.) Shopping malls that get rich from selling dark music are gigantic compared to the small churches. Where is the rationality behind that? (It's called free-enterprise and it's what your "God Fearing" nation was founded for...the whole country was founded by a contradiction..."We want religious freedom, but if you worship different then us we'll fucking kill you!".)

This whole world is nothing but degenerates now, not wanting to admit God is right about everything. How anyone could disagree with me on this is simply foolish (How anyone could actually believe this is what's foolish) . I simply want to do nothing more than folllow God and wish everybody else could do the same by trashing all that is Marilyn Manson inspired (Geez...Marilyn's taken a beating here. Doesn't she know that he's like Martha fucking Stewart compared to Eviscerated Zombie Tampon?) .

As a service to you all in hopes of brining you closer to God, I have taken my degenerate nephew's CD collection away from him and I have made a huge list documenting each band he owned a Cd of, as a means to serve as a warning to other concerned mothers. I shuffled through the album art and knew right away none of these CD's promoted Christian values. (Look up the defintion of the word "judgemental", I'm sure you'll find this assholes face plastered right under it.) I plan to dispose of these CD's soon (Right after I get done rocking the suburbs that is...I bet this chick is a metal mad-woman). My sister is not fit to be a parent. If he were my child, none of these CD's would be his to begin with (Because she'd totally keep them...throw the goat baby!).

God Forbid (the name alone indicates a hatred for christianity) (I'm not entirely sure that's an anti-christian title sweetcheeks.)
Immolation (the name is disturbing) (Not blasphemous mind you...just disturbing.)
Lord Gore (there is a picture of women pleasuring each other, this is beyond filth) (I'm still looking for the bad part babe. Sounds like someone has some unresolved sexual identity issues.)
Venom (the devil's face is glorified on the cover)
Repulsion (the devil's face is also beign glorified on the cover)
Agalloch (I don't know what the name Agalloch so I would be surprised if it was a satanic verse) (What a judgemental prick! "I don't know what this means so I'm sure it's all about Satan"...goddamn!)
Immortal (this seems to be another band that has Marilyn Manson, the name of the album is "Sons of Northren Darkness", is sickening) (Uh...why? What's wrong with the word "Immortal"? Did I miss something here?)
Mr. Bungle (the name is pornographic) (HUH?!?! Where the hell do you get that from? Did you pull it out of your ass?)
Frightmare (the Cd depicts a woman murdered by a satanist) (Maybe he killed her in self-defense.)
Between the Buried and Me (I do not like how the name disrespcts the dead) (I see...so you're PERSONAL opinion is involved as well. Funny...I thought these were things that were sacreligious/blasphemous in nature. So I see we'll have to add your name to the heavenly host.)
Ghoul (the cover depicts three demons covered in blood, I threw this in my garbage instantly)
Children of Bodom (I assume Bodom is another name for Satan. Why not "Children of God?") (You assume?!?! Jumping jesus on a pogostick.)
Nile (there was a picture of a snake, it is glorifying the serpent/devil that made Adam and Eve eat the apple that doomed the world) (So now all images of snakes glorifies the Devil? Someone better tell those snake handling churches pronto!)
As I lay Dying (the album cover depicts a vile demon and the name reflects our death obsessed society)
Slayer (I could not believe the blatant blasphemy the album cover had) (This one I'll give her...Slayer are a bunch of evil fucks.)
Impaled (the cover depicts a toilet with pooh, why is it that today's youth is worshipping feces instead of God?) (Pooh? Winnie-the-Pooh? Well in my opinion everything Winnie-the-Pooh related is feces and should be flushed down the toilet.)
Mayhem (the logo of the band appears to have inverted crosses) (Appears?!?! Once again here comes the writers opinion...lovely.)
Carcass (see how the world is obsessed with death, no wonder Terri Schiavo was assassinated) (Assassinated? Was the bitch whacked by Lee Harvey Oswald from the top of the Texas Book Depository? Last I heard her husband decided to let her years of suffering come to an end. If God hadn't wanted things to go down that way I have a feeling he could've intervened.)
Death (all these Marilyn Manson influenced metal bands keep enjoing death and destruction) (If death and destruction weren't so fun we wouldn't enjoy it...once again, take it up with God. He made death and destruction lady.)
Devourment (there is a dead nude man on the cover, it is homosexual necrophilic pornography at its worth) (What the fuck? Is someone fucking the dead nude man? Is it another man fucking the dead nude man? If not then it's just a dead nude man. I have a feeling that the only "homosexual necrophilic pornography" is going on in that twisted little noggin of yours chief.)
Dying Fetus (it is sad how our children today approve of abortion) (Isn't it possible this could be an ANTI-abortion thing?)
Aborted (another pro-death/abortion band) (Once again, isn't it possible this is an anti-abortion kinda thing?)
Morbid Angel (I was outraged by the name, this is pure blasphemy) (Why? Examples please...)
Iced Earth (Satan is being pornographic on the cover, it's sickening) (What's funnier then seeing Satan fucking a Water Buffalo? Kinda makes him look like a idiot doesn't it. I figured you christians would be all over anything that made Satan look like a sheep-fucker.)
Rigor Mortis (more praise for dead bodies in our death-obsessed culture) (I don't really see the praise here.)
Blood Freak (all our children want to do these days is kill and make people bleed)
Necro (it depicts satan wearing a skull mask)
Bloodbath (yet again, more blood and murder)
Exhumed (I'm getting sick and tired of death being praised)
Godflesh (the name is disgusting, God's flesh is sacred and should not be spoken about) (See now, that's just silly.)

There are more but I think I've seen enough of my nephews filth collection. (This is your comprehensive list? I'm sure it's totally accurate and complete. I'm more concerned that Ashlee Simpson, The Pussycat Dolls and Usher aren't listed on here anywhere.)

All those bands I mentioned should be banned. Want peace on earth? Then ban all those money-making satanic bands. (Right...that's the key to finally bringing about world peace...banning Eviscerated Zombie Tampon, Slayer, Morbid Angel and other obscure bands.) It's that simple (Of course it is...you're completely fucking out of your mind! Everthings easy and simply when you're stark raving crazy.). But because this pornographic liberal world still insists on wanting America to be destroyed, these killing culture bands will yet again be on our TV's and radios promoting their hatred towards God's creations.

Would you let someone step on a thumbtack if they were about to step on it? I know I wouldn't because it's a mistake (What's a mistake, stepping on the thumbtack or allowing someone to step on a thumbtack?). And that is why I feel we shuld guide people to our right side (Because people standing on your left side make you nervous...dirty left side standing sons of bitches.). some people accuse me of being close-minded (Accuse? Hell no...I've got the proof right here motherfucker. It's no longer an accusation, it's confirmed.), but I am merely correcting people that are obviously wrong. If you see soemthign wrong, correct it (You mean like the fact you're too stupid to properly spell the word "something"? Consider your dumb ass corrected then.).

These bands are not pro-God, so that is why banning is the only solution (So if something isn't "pro-God" it should be banned? Then kiss the majority of your life goodbye you ignorant goon.). How many more school shootings and innocent women starved to death do we have to see for our world to realize Marliyn Manson and all these other Marilyn Manson wannabes are causing such a ruckus in our world?

What really scares me is that I know this isn't an isolated incident. Shit like this is happening every fucking day.

How's that for leaving you with a warm fuzzy thought?

Just some funny shit...

2005-10-26T22:24:00.000-04:00

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED I SINCERELY SUGGEST THAT YOU NOT CONTINUE...DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED I SINCERELY SUGGEST THAT YOU NOT CONTINUE...DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA

So a co-worker and I were laughing about the seemingly endless parade of "what the fuck were they thinking" names that come across our desks when we started applying these names to porno titles.

In the last week I've had the humorous pleasure of seeing the following names...these are REAL names by the way. If you happen to read your name on this blog then seriously, I hate it for ya but it's your name. I didn't give it to ya.

So here's the name list:
Kevin Dickman
Deanna Fuksman
Candy Beavers

So in the course of attaching these unfortunate fuckers to made up porno titles I started sharing actual titles I'd seen that had been based on mainstream movies. After a little digging I stumbled upon Funny Porno Titles and thought I'd share a few of my favorites. If you find this following list the least bit funny then I wholeheartedly suggest you check that site. There's no graphic pictures or anything like that, but you will find over 300 hilarious actual porn titles.

Here's my favorites list, in alphabetical order:

12 Horny Men
101 Fornications
American Booty
Assaconda
Ben-In-Her
Beverly Hills Copulator
Big Trouble In Little Vagina
Black Cock Down
The Bone Ranger
The Boobs Brothers
Breast Side Story
Caddysnatch
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Close Encounters of the Nude Kind
Creamer vs. Creamer
Cum And Cummer
Die Hard-on
E.T. the Extra Testicle
Edward Penishands
Ferris Bueller's Jerk Off
Field Of Wet Dreams
The Flintbones
For Your Thighs Only
Free My Willy
Gangbangs Of New York
Glad-He-Ate-Her
Good Will Humping
Great Sexpectations
The Hairy Bitch Project
Harry Pooper and the Sorcerer's Bone
Honey, I Shrunk Your Clit
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
Indiana Bones and the Temple of Boom Boom
Inspect Her Gadget
Intercourse With The Vampire
The Joy Suck Club
Jurassic Pork
Kitty Lickers
Lawrence of A Labia
The Loin King
Look Who’s Sucking
Lord Of The Cock Rings
Mr. Hollund's Phallus
The Mighty Fucks
Much Ado About Fucking
My Big Fat Greek Woody
My Big Lebowski
Natural Born Jigglers
On Golden Blonde
Pocahotass
Poonies
The Porn Identity
Porn on the 4th of July
Pornocchio
Position: Impossible
Presumed Impotent
Pump Friction
Raiders Of The Lost Ass
Rambone
Riding Miss Daisy
Riding on Boys in Cars
Risky Jizzness
Robocock
Romancing The Bone
Saturday Night Beaver
Saving Ryan's Privates
Schindler's Fist
Sex Toy Story
The Sexorcist
Silence of the Loins
Sleeping Booty
The Sperminator
Sperms of Endearment
Splendor in the Ass
Star Trek 2 - The Wrath of Cum
Star Trek 3 - The Search for Sperm
Star Trek 4 - The Voyeurs Home
Sex Trek: The Next Penetration
Star Whores
Star Whores - The Empire Stikes From The Back
There's Something In and Out of Mary
The Three Fuckateers
Tits A Wonderful Life
Throbbin' Wood: Prince of Whores
Waiting to XXX Hale
When Hairy Fucked Sally
White Men Can't Hump
The Whole Nine Inches
Wild Wild Breasts
Willie Wanker Up the Chocolate Factory
Who's Eating Gilbert Grape
Womb Raider
XXX-Men
Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy
You've Got Male

I wanna know what you think dear readers!

Did I miss one that absolutely MUST be on the list? Leave a comment about it and together we'll right all the worlds wrongs...one funny porno title at a time.

Soooo...

2005-10-13T21:28:00.000-04:00

I guess it'll come as no surprise to you all (who the fuck am I kidding...nobody's gonna read this unless I tell them I've updated) that I'm not posting with the regularity I once did.

Is there a particular reason for this, am I disillusioned with blogging?

No, not really.

I just didn't have anything especially interesting to say.

Sometimes you have to know when to talk and when not to. Sure I could've been rambling all Seinfeld-esque ("What the heck is up with the NHL?") but is that really me saying something or am I just running my mouth?

I suppose I should do a little recap of my life of late. So, let's see...I'm still working at the same place for different people. I'm sure in another 12 to 14 months the management structure will change again like it has for the last 10 years. So when that happens I'll mention it again. But it's more like "second verse, same as the first".

Speaking of 10 years employment, I crossed the decade mark a couple of days ago. I've already been approached by the company HR lady about what anniversary gift I wanted and what kind of cake I was partial to so I assume that'll be going down sooner instead of later. Yay...go me. Thanks for giving me back .0001% of what I've made you over the last 10 years. I guess it really is the thought that counts.

I've been unloading a TON of stupid crap on eBay and making a decent amount of cash to boot. Between the actual cost of Carla's surgery, medicine, doctor bills, missed days of work, and the numerous sick days before we found out what was wrong, we've spent entirely too much money. Sure, I could've let it ride on a credit card and draw 18 to 22% interest but i figured why should we burden ourselves like that? I've been putting up stuff for the last 3 weeks and i've generated over $1000. That's part time job money folks, and there's no commute involved. Boo yow.

And I get all this crap outta my fucking house to boot. Sometimes it's nice to come home and be surrounded by your stuff. You feel like you're safe in your little nest and that everything's gonna be fine. Othertimes it's like this crap is tied around my fucking neck like a weight. I can't explain it...maybe it's a side effect of coming off my zoloft.

That's another relatively new development, well new to you anyway. I've been off my little chemical crutch for a few months now and so far so good.

My mom is finally going through with the divorce from my "dad". Some of you will notice those quotation marks. They're not an accident. I've had enough of his crazy, self absorbed, malicious, antagonistic, and generally negative ass. As he would say I've "fired him". He used to say that about my mother...that she had "fired him". This was, of course, after he had decided purely on his own that he wasn't going to go visit her anymore because she asked if he could send her an Eagles cassette tape. No shit. He didn't see her for the last 7 years she was incarcerated...because she asked him to mail her an Eagles tape...and she "fired him"...what a rancid asshole. The whole thing sounds like a giant crock of shit doesn't it? You know why...cause it IS A GIANT CROCK OF SHIT. Sometimes I wonder if he's really my father, then I look in the mirror and feel my heart break. There's no denying my parentage...goddamnit.

Whatever man...my philosophy now is I just wanna be happy. If you don't make me happy or try to bring your shit onto me then go fuck yourself.

There's too many unknown days left for me on this little blue green orb and I'll not have some cocksucker busting up my krush groove. So here's the deal society, get the fuck off my back...I'm tired of carrying your bullshit everywhere I go.

Demi and Ashton can get married...I don't give a fuck.
Ashlee Simpson can make a triumphant return to SNL...I don't give a fuck.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller can be on again/off again...I don't give a fuck.
blah, blah, blah can yada, yada, yada...I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. Seriously, I just don't give a fuck.

Does that make me a "bad American"? Is it my American duty to sit and watch Entertainment Tonight, Fear Factor, and ER? Then tough...I don't give a fuck.

I do what makes me happy. What makes my happy is staying home and doing things for the people I care for. The "people I care for" list may be short but that's fine by me. Those people are the people who've taken care of me and if I don't have their back then what the hell kind of man am I?

So I guess that's the thought I'll leave you with. Guess what...if you don't like it then that's fine.

I don't give a fuck.

Two posts in one week...your asses better hold on!

2005-09-28T22:54:00.000-04:00

I saw this on netscape a few days ago and it made me giggle like a drunken schoolgirl.

Anyone who truly knows me knows about my unadulterated love of the word "fuck"...or any expletive in general. I can't get enough off them.

Just remember kids, everything's funnier with fuck.

One Town's Very Obscene Name
When you think of Austria, no doubt you think of such cities and towns as Vienna, Innsbruck and Salzburg. But there is another one. And because of its name, tourists steal the signs.

The name? We can't print it here. (But I can motherfuckers...) It's Fucking.

Agence France Presse and Britain's Sunday Telegraph report that the residents of Fucking (pronounced Fooking) are quite perturbed with British tourists who think the name of the town is so hilarious they want to take a piece of it home with them. So they swipe the signs. There are only 32 homes in this charming Austrian village with breathtaking views of lakes and forests and none of its residents understand why their signs are so popular. In fact, sign stealing is the only crime in Fucking.

The good people of Fucking have wised up. They have embedded their signs in concrete. Try stealing one now! We quote. Directly. Exactly. This is what police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger told the Sunday Telegraph: "We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed. It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile."

Interestingly, it is only the British who seem to have such a fascination with the name of this little town. A local guide told the Telegraph that the Germans want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg, while the Americans only care about the area around which "The Sound of Music" was filmed. The Japanese just want to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau. The British are different. A woman who runs a guest house told the paper, "Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no Fucking postcards."

These Austrians may be on to something about the Brits. The BBC News reports that a Northamptonshire secondary school in Great Britain has had such a problem with its students swearing that they have instituted a five-word swearing limit in each class. When a student swears, the teacher writes a mark on the board. After five marks, no one is allowed to swear for the duration of the class. If the rule is broken? They get a severe talking-to by the teacher. We're thinking there won't be any field trips to Fucking, Austria.

See now, that's just funny.

I had a lady I used to work with named Jodi was swore to me there was a Chinese restaurant in Florida called the "The Foo-King Diner". I sat and came up with funny shit with that name for nearly an hour...

"Do you guys sell Foo-King t-shirts?"
"That's the best Foo-King meal I've ever had!"
"Hey! Our waiter got our Foo-King order wrong...what kind of Foo-King place are they running here?"
"No way...it's your turn to get the Foo-King check...you cheap bastard."

Good times, good times.

So in summation I think I can sleep a little easier at night knowing there's a place called Fucking.

The Fucking citizens have quite a little Xanadu on their hands...those lucky Fucking people.

I only wish I was lucky enough to live in a fucking village like Fucking Austria.

Hello bitches!!

2005-09-26T21:38:00.000-04:00

So i got one of those "phishing" e-mail today...you know the ones, where your eBay/Paypal/Bank Account has been compromised and you have to go to a totally unsecured website and input your name, address, social security number, credit card numbers, PIN for your credit card, birthday, favorite color, preferred sexual position and basically sign your soul over to Satan for ever and ever, amen.

So here's the text of the e-mail along with some of my unique comments...

You have received this email because we have strong reasons to believe that your eBay account had been recently compromised.In order to prevent any fraudulent activity from occuring we are requied to ope an investigation into this matter.

OK, so besides the fact that the first sentence sounds someone with only a passing knowledge of the English fucking language, like a Yugoslavian refugee or Paris Hilton wrote it, everything seems to be on the up and up. Nevermind the fact that there's no space between the end of one sentence and the beginning of the next and these assclowns have somehow misspelled "required" and "open" as well...I mean, eBay is a multi-million dollar company and they simply don't have the time to proofread every single little e-mail they send out...especially when alerting people to potential account problems. That'd be like a major publishing company sending marketing materials and proposals through their in house proofing department...that's all a bunch of new age tomfoolery.

To speed up this proces, you are required to complete your eBay account by following the link below

https://www.ifyousigninherewewillstealyouridentityyoudumbmotherfucker.com
(To complete the verification procces you must field all the requied fields)

So they've misspelled "process" not once but twice and I can only assume they mean they want me to FILL all the required fields on the website they're asking me to go to. Also do I actually need to "complete" my eBay account? If my account was incomplete then I wouldn't have to worry about anyone using it. It would be...incomplete. Damn eBay sure is slipping...but so far there's no reason that a semi-intelligent person's bullshit detector should be ringing like a firebell in Detroit on fucking Devil's Night is there? I mean everything looks legitimate to me.

Please Note:
If your account informations are not updated within the next 72 hours,then we will assume this account was compromised and will be suspended.We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud.

Uh, my account "informations"? How many informative doohickeys are attached to this stinking account anyway? Also, the geniuses have another space missing in the middle of a sentence. "Account" is mispelled and apparantly Paris Hilton/the Yugoslavian refugee have continued with their fine grammar work well into this part of the message. But my personal favorite is this little gem, "We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud." So what they're saying is that they want to make sure they stop fraudulent fraud. Well god bless them. Why is it that these motherfuckers can spell "fraudulently" but they can't spell "process", "open", "required" or any of the other words they butchered in this silly little missive?

We appreciate your support and understanding we work together to keep eBay a safe place to trade.

Thank you for your attention on this serious matter.We apologize for any delay on resolving this situation.

Goddamn. Who in their right fucking mind would ever believe this was sent by anyone other then some half educated dipshit?

You know what...people deserve to have their identity stolen. If you are so damn stupid that you actually read that e-mail and believe it actually came from someone other then Bob the Cyber Criminal then you deserve to get ripped off.

I find myself with very little sympathy for the dumbasses in this world who blindly do whatever someone tells them.

Do us all a favor spunky and fucking THINK for a change. Your brain is not simply there to absorb commercial jingles, republican rhetoric and antiquated religious nonsense.

You bunch of fucking sheep.

Goodbye Uncle John...

2005-08-29T22:55:00.000-04:00

My family is fucked up.

What's that? How fucked up are they? See if you can wrap your head around this one...

My grandfather's twin brother John died on Wednesday. His wife called my grandfather on Saturday to inform him.

"Oh I just remembered I hadn't told you...your brother is dead. Have a good weekend!"

Now, before you start to feel all sad for me I want you to realize something. I'm 34 years old and I've never met this man.

Not one fucking time.

He lives in town.

My mother hasn't spoken to him in over 40 years.

Did I mention he lives in town?

He basically decided way back in the din of antiquity that he wanted nothing to do with his family. He literally told his sister that if any of them died he didn't want to be notified and he certainly wouldn't be coming to the funeral. He also told her that when he died he didn't want them coming to his funeral either.

That my friends is some hardcore shit.

Uncle John was a very wealthy individual. He married into money and was apparantly ashamed to have come from such humble roots. He was also an alcoholic who had his license suspended so many times for DUI's that he was banned from ever having a drivers license again.

As of this writing I'm not sure if his own fucking children know that he's dead. I would love to be at the will reading though...I bet they all get shafted after having to put up with his cranky ass for their entire lives. That would rock!

My response when my mother told me?

"Well I'm sure Satan has a nice warm spot set up for the old cocksucker...here's to one less asshole on the planet."

The news did start me to wondering though. Was he ashamed of us or was he ashamed of himself.

I mean, what a sad way to go through life...worshipping material things, always worried about what other people's opinions about you are, trying to maintain a perfect image, a virtual slave to your career...all the while hiding a consuming addiction, a loveless home and a dead soul. Death would almost be a release from such a hellish existence...well that's my view anyway.

See, I'm a simple guy. Not simple as in I drool on myself when I tie my shoes, but simple in that I just don't get caught up in all the unimportant useless shit that fills our world.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that I wouldn't love to drive a Ferrari to work every morning while wearing a $2000 Armani suit, but I'm not going to suck a big corporate dick everyday for 9 hours and whore myself out to do it. I've got something that I think is much more valuable then anything that can be bought, sold, traded or acquired...and that's self respect. Besides how cool can you look while driving in your Ferrari if you've got corporate spunk crusted into your fucking eyebrows?

I get up every morning, look at myself in the mirror and I'm not ashamed of what I see. I doubt Uncle John could ever say that. What exactly did all his "success" bring him anyway? He gave up his family in pursuit of the almighty dollar. That sounds like a pretty shitty transaction to me.

So long uncle John...too bad I won't miss ya.

Kurt. Fucking. Busch

2005-08-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'm stunned.

Roger Penske is actually going to hire Kurt Fucking Busch to drive Rusty Wallace's #2 Dodge for 2006.

Jesus christ. The only thing worse then having Kurt Busch in my beloved "Blue Deuce" would be seeing Jeff Gordon driving the car I've been pulling for since 1980.

Kurt Busch...What the fuck.

Look at this skinny little punk...

He's all ears, neck and nose.

I mean was Kurt the best Penske could find to replace Rusty?

Kurt is a primadonna punk...and after today he's an extraordinarily wealthy primadonna punk. The contract he signed has supposedly made him the highest paid driver in the sport.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the antics of Kurt Busch, here's a little synopsis of his infantile behavior...

May 31st, 2005 : After #97-Kurt Busch’s first accident Sunday in the Coca-Cola 600, I [Cup Scene Daily] rushed from the media center to the garage area to see Busch’s car pulling into his stall. A frustrated Busch left the garage area and headed to his hauler to collect his thoughts. In route, right outside the garage, it looked as though he shoved a local TV news cameraman, Mike Thomas, aside. The cameraman felt the incident was no big deal and that he (the cameraman) was simply in the way of a frustrated driver. "It looked like he lowered his shoulder before he hit me, but I don't think he was trying to do anything on purpose," Thomas said. "He certainly didn't say anything to me to make me think I had done something wrong." Asked about the incident later, NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter said the incident was a non-issue as far as the sanctioning body goes. “It’s no big deal to (NASCAR)”, said Jim Hunter.(Cup Scene Daily)

May 10th, 2005 : #97-Kurt Busch crashed on the first lap of Saturday's race at Darlington Raceway, forcing him to retreat to the garage area for repairs. He eventually re-entered the race but later ignored officials' instructions during a caution period on where he should line up for a restart. Busch was ordered to pit road to serve a penalty. Busch responded with offensive language over his in-car radio communications system, revved his engine when officials ordered him to shut his car off and threw a water bottle that hit an official standing in his pit area. Roush Racing President Geoff Smith says Busch was frustrated by the crash, which left him nursing a damaged, uncompetitive car around a narrow, difficult track for the rest of the night to gain championship points. Smith says Busch lost his temper after officials assessed a penalty Smith called "questionable. So he fought it — and lost, of course," Smith says. Smith doesn't expect Busch to receive further penalties from NASCAR this week. "I think he is definitely aware of where he stands today," NASCAR vice president of communications Jim Hunter said in an e-mail. "Without going into any further detail, he certainly knows NASCAR is not going to tolerate any future temper tantrums. President Mike Helton made our position very clear." Says Smith: "He's now on notice. So if there's anything else, there's going to be a penalty associated with it."(USA Today)

May 28th, 2004 : #16-Greg Biffle said he's ready to put his incident with Roush Racing teammate #97-Kurt Busch in the NASCAR Nextel All-Star Challenge behind them, but made no apologies Thursday for being upset by the bump from Busch that ignited a multi-car crash. "I think getting wrecked on the straightaway by your teammate certainly would be something to set a guy off," Biffle said. "That would be like your neighbor burning down your house by accident - you're going to be upset." Biffle said he and Busch talked on Monday. "He felt really bad about what happened," Biffle said. "He wrecked a lot of cars besides ours ... and that wasn't the outcome he planned. He misjudged by a lot and he's got to personally pay the price for that himself. There's nothing I can do about it. It's Kurt's problem. ... We've got to race as if last week didn't happen. Otherwise we're going to handicap ourselves going forward." Busch once again took the blame for the incident. "It was just a stupid mistake on my part," Busch said.

October 30th, 2003 : #97-Kurt Busch has had his "hard card" - an annual credential used to gain access at tracks - revoked by NASCAR for the remainder of the season as punishment for an incident on pit road during the Oct. 19 race at Martinsville. The move doesn't affect Busch's participation in Cup races, but the absence of a hard card does add several inconveniences during a race weekend. Each Friday, including this week at Phoenix International Raceway, Busch must sign in at the NASCAR registration hauler outside the track and receive paper credentials. He then must take those to Winston Cup series director John Darby, who will issue Busch a hot pass good for the weekend. Busch must return the pass after the race on Sunday. "Our president, Mike Helton, is trying to make a point," said Jim Hunter, NASCAR's vice president for corporate communications. "We need to do what is necessary to get Kurt's attention." After his #97 Ford blew its engine during the Martinsville race, Busch came down pit road and spun in his own oil. He then spun several more times while pit crew members worked on other drivers' cars. NASCAR officials called Busch, his crew chief, Jimmy Fennig, and owner, Jack Roush, to the NASCAR hauler after the race, but Busch failed to attend. Busch claimed he did not know of the meeting, NASCAR sources said. NASCAR rescheduled the meeting with Busch for last Friday at Atlanta Motor Speedway and had it coincide with the start of Winston Cup practice. Busch missed most of the practice session while attending the meeting, which was directed by Helton, NASCAR sources said. It was during that meeting that Busch turned over his hard card and had to go outside the track and receive paper credentials for the rest of the Atlanta race weekend. Roush Racing officials were unavailable for comment Thursday afternoon. Busch was expected to arrive at the track sometime Thursday or Friday morning. Hunter said he could not recall a driver ever having his hard card revoked previously. Some drivers' hard cards have been confiscated when they were suspended.(ThatsRacin.com)

August 20th, 2003 : Winston Cup driver Kurt Busch made disparaging remarks toward Jimmy Spencer over the radio during last Sunday's race at Michigan, including an admission he tried to "flatten the … fender" of Spencer's car, according to a transcript of Busch's radio conversations with his team. The transcript, obtained by ThatsRacin.com, and the radio version obtained by Speed Channel, covers an exchange Busch made over his radio with his team on Lap 135 of 200. Following the race, Busch stopped his #97 Ford in front of Spencer's team hauler. Spencer pulled his #7 Dodge in behind Busch, got out of his car and after the two traded obscenities, punched Busch while he was still sitting in his car. On Monday, NASCAR suspended Spencer through Aug. 26, fined him $25,000 and placed him on probation through the end of the year. Busch was also placed on probation. Local authorities in Michigan are still investigating the incident. Both teams appealed the punishments. Spencer's appeal will be heard at 8:30 a.m. today in Bristol, Tenn., site of Saturday night's Sharpie 500. Roush's appeal had not been set as of Tuesday night.
When informed of Busch's remarks Tuesday night, Jim Hunter, NASCAR's vice president for corporate communications, issued the following statement: "We will let the process run its course. … I am sure the commission will be very thorough and I am sure they will have all the pertinent information."
While Sunday's race was under caution on Lap 135 and Busch riding on the backstretch, the following exchange took place, which could be picked up on Busch's team's scanner frequency:
Busch: "See, I'm not very good at being bad. I was trying to flatten the seven car fender and I got mine. I needed to be further forward on his car."
Response from Pit: " They just showed that on TV. You just missed by about an inch or two Ah, not far enough forward."
Busch: "Inches only count unless you're playing Horseshoes and hand grenades. Ah, I don't wanna play either with that clown."
Response from Pit: "I hear ya, man."

April 7th, 2003 : Kurt Busch and Tony Stewart met after the race to discuss their incident. Busch and Greg Biffle got together and sent Busch into Stewart's car on lap 90. Stewart banged the wall and had to go to the garage for repairs. He returned to finish 25th. Busch placed 19th. "He ended up on my outside when Biffle pinched me up against him," Busch said of Stewart. "It was like I ended up running into him purposely; it was just an accident." Stewart was unavailable for comment after the race.(Roanoke Times) AND as seen on Speed Channel's NASCAR Victory Lane, Busch squirted Stewart as the two walked away from each other after Stewart confronted Busch about the incident that put Tony in the wall. Stewart basically did not react or notice.

March 25th, 2003 : Kurt Busch and Jimmy Spencer had two on-track confrontations last season — one at Bristol and another at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. After the Indy wreck, Busch called Spencer a "decrepit old has-been," and Spencer failed to qualify for the next race. Busch, apparently, is still gloating. "I was real happy when things came to a close at Watkins Glen, when he went home and missed the show," Busch said Sunday. "Indianapolis was a tough thing. I put myself in position to wreck and he wrecked me, and he missed the show at Watkins Glen, so I put a period on the end of the whole incident there."(USA Today

February, 12th, 2003 : After a string of outbursts last season over different racing incidents, Roush Racing sent driver Kurt Busch to a management training seminar to learn to deal with people better.(Roanoke Times/AP)

July 7th, 2002 : #97-Kurt Busch had on one-lap penalty for passing under caution turn into a four-lap nightmare during Saturday night's Pepsi 400. During a pit stop early in the race while trying to enter his pit stall, Busch collided with Robby Gordon, who was exiting his pit. Busch received some damage to his #97 Ford and had to pit again, but ran the stop paddle at the end of pit toad. Incensed at getting the one-lap penalty, Busch ripped off a tirade of words over his radio directed toward NASCAR officials. NASCAR didn't take kindly to the words and issued a three-lap penalty for "unsportsmanlike conduct on the radio.(ThatsRacin.com)

Are you seeing the pattern yet?!? Kurt Busch is a total assclown and doesn't deserve to be on the same racetrack as men like Rusty Wallace...much less taking over their ride.

The thought of Kurt Busch and his childish, juvenile, disrespectful ass with the team that Rusty Wallace has made famous over the last 15 years makes me literally sick to my stomach.

I mean, why didn't they try to hire the Antichrist...I'm sure he'd love the attention that NASCAR can offer and at least we all know going in that he's a bigger asshole then Kurt Busch will ever be.

Kurt fucking Busch...I just cannot fucking believe it.

It'll be really hard to not pull for that blue #2...but I suppose I'll have to get used to it.

Another one bites the dust.

2005-08-05T23:41:00.000-04:00

Once again, my company has lost a cool person.

They weren't fired or anything like that...there were no "labor savings found"...how's that for the most insulting way to refer to firing someone..."we've made a labor savings."

Instead this person managed to escape on their own. Moving to Boston I believe...they shall be missed.

I've been accused of becoming "withdrawn" when it comes to the new people at work. Let me tell you there's a good damn reason for doing so. My employers have an annoying habit of hiring someone and they letting them go after about 6 months and to be honest I got tired of making friends only to see them get treated like an out of date carton of milk.

It hurt seeing people I liked getting shit on. That's right...I have feelings, believe it or not.

So I'm cautious when attaching to people that I work with...is that a good thing or a bad thing...I only know it works for me, right or wrong.

Courtney was someone who seemed really cool and someone I would've enjoyed hanging out with at work but my "distance rule" was in effect and I kept her at arms length. Maybe that was my mistake.

So like I said, someone cool has left the office. But she left on her terms and not theirs...and that's something to be proud of.

She mentioned once she had a blog but silly me never asked where it was so I've got no way of finding it now.

Maybe someone can link a brother up.

Did you know that in Spanish, vomit translates to "Vómito"?

2005-08-01T21:00:00.000-04:00

This kid is now officially my hero.

Officials Unsure How To Punish Vomiting Teen

OLATHE, Kan. -- A Kansas teenager has been sentenced to clean up vomit in police cars.

But officers in Johnson County aren't sure how they'll carry out the sentence.

The 17-year-old boy was convicted of vomiting on his Spanish teacher on purpose.

A judge ordered the teen to perform clean-up duty for four months anytime someone gets sick in a patrol car.

But police in Overland Park note they often have a biohazard company clean up vomit, if there's a possibility of disease.

Overland Park police spokesman Jim Weaver wants to know if they're going to have to give the kid a biohazard suit.

But local police officials say they'll work with the county court in making sure the sentence is carried out in an appropriate manner.

Talk about passion, dedication and pure balls!

We've all had teachers we've wanted to humiliate in one shape or another, but did any of us actually decide to do somthing about it?

I don't mean talking shit about them when they're not around or any of that other amateurish nonsense.

I'm talking about taking the fight right to their fucking doorstep.

This one kid in Kansas has done what none of us ever had the stones to do...he shouldn't be cleaning patrol cars...we should give this guy a national holiday in remembrance of his selfless act of disobedience.

We've all had to sit helpless in their classes for hours at a time as they regurgitate their state sponsored rhetoric at us...it was about time that someone returned the favor.

Vómito my oppressed brother!

Vómito!

Censorship sucks.

2005-07-31T23:25:00.000-04:00

I had a great post.

It was witty, well written and emotionally stirring.

But alas, you can't read it.

My wife has wisely suggested that it wouldn't be an extremely smart thing to put this out there for the world to read. She's right of course. I had to strongly suggest to her not to post something on her page so I guess turnabout is fair play.

Goddamn I hate having to bow to people with supposed "authority" over me.

Move along...there's nothing to see here.

It's Alive!!!!

2005-07-30T21:59:00.000-04:00

I am officially the happiest little boy on the face of the planet!

The internet, after nearly 2 weeks of being a miserable assmucher, has finally decided to stop ruining my life!

It works! It really works!

I was starting to thing there was nothing left to do but sit down and talk to Carla...just kidding honey.

So, what's new?

Well Dad still has no power and I still think it's the greatest thing in the history of mankind...better buy some more candles motherfucker!

My aunt Linda has just been told by her doctor that she's got a clean bill of health and the cancer seems to be in complete remission. That's awesome...I worry though because the type she had is notorious for showing up in the other breast. Her dickless doctor told her that she couldn't have both breasts removed like she wanted. He told her that if she pushed on it and insisted that he do it that he would classify it as "cosmetic" surgery and her insurance wouldn't cover it. He better get down on his knees every night and pray to whatever invisible man who lives in the sky he believes in that it doesn't show up in her other breast. That asshole doesn't want me, David, Ricky and Crystal showing up at his office...he'll be the one getting cosmetic surgery.

So anyway, the internet is back up and I've got to go enjoy it...it's been soooo long.

Come to me my sweet internet...

Update!

2005-07-28T13:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I received the following update on my Father and his sudden (and totally fucking hilarious) lack of electricity.

My Grandmother (who lives next door to Dad) sent Mom this e-mail yesterday :

I saw the contract truck for Duke Power in the yard on Monday night about 8:45 PM, but I did not see him go down there.
We saw the weirdos down there yesterday afternoon, they looked like they were emptying out the refrigerator. Guess where they were throwing it...over the deck railing and into the front yard..surprise, surprise. He looked like he was mad (which is nothing new). She just stood around like she was in a daze (that's nothing new either).
Love you,
Grandma

So my fondest wish actually came true! They lost everything in their freezer and refrigerator! Karma's a bitch ain't it.

Now, about the "over the deck railing and into the front yard" thing. When they have something they want to throw away, like leftovers or old food, they step out the sliding glass door and chuck it over the deck railing and into the fucking front yard.

That's right...that's classy to a degree that I'm not sure I can comprehend.

I swear to God...my life is like a redneck version of Days of Our Lives.

So now we play the waiting game and see what his reaction will be. His normal M.O. is to wait a few days, sometime a whole week, then go out drinking. Once he gets some "liquid courage" in him, he feels like a big enough man to push around women, children and senior citizens. He's a real manly man for sure.

Now, what he does to his girlfriend isn't my concern. That may sound heartless and cold, but no one's making that bitch stay. She's nothing to me and I'll not go out of my way to help anyone who's obviously mentally infirmed. Let her family watch out for her dumb ass because she's not my problem.

But if he comes after my grandparents or brings his drunk ass over to my house, then he and I will have serious issues. I'm not 14 anymore and I will break his fucking jaw. My family will never be threatened by him again. Hopefully he's intelligent enough to not come over to my home and threaten Mom, Brian, Andrew or Carla.

If he does then he will deeply regret that decision for the rest of his incredibly short and pain filled life.

I am an evil, evil bastard...but I'm OK with that.

2005-07-25T22:08:00.000-04:00

Well today Duke Power finally shut off the electricity to Dad's house. I wish I could see the look on his face when he comes home, turns on that switch and nothing happens. I would videotape it and watch it everyday and laugh my ass off. The only thing that would make it better would be for him to be out of town. Then he could come back and find not only the power was off but everything in his freezer was now rancid. I can almost smell the decay when he opens the door and walks in.

See, the Power Bill has been in my mothers name for the past 13 years. Mom and Dad have been separated for that length of time and Dad had decided that since the bill was in her name, he was no longer going to pay it. He'd let it build up for months before paying it, or borrow money from Mom to pay it. At one point it was up around $1000 and she finally paid it online because it was severely affecting her credit.

My mother finally got sick of his manipulative psycho bullshit and told him that she was filing for divorce and she was going to try to get the house.

He's been toying with her for 3 years with selling her the house, then giving it to her, then selling it. Basically holding the dream of being able to live in her own house again after so long over her head just so he could snatch it away when she reached for it. Finally he went so far as to move everything out, giving her the keys and setting up a payment schedule.

Well then he backed out and moved back in...but not before Mom has spent 4 weekends cleaning it. Have you ever seen those houses where people live with 40 dogs and the police finally have to come in because the house is basically fit to be condemned? Well that should give you an idea of how bad this place was. It wasn't that bad but it was pretty fucking filthy. One year he left the Christmas decorations up all year long. I mean, he's just a lazy, manipulative fucker.

So anyway, he'd been stringing Mom along and has gone back to living in the house. He's not paying the water bill, the power bill or the property taxes on the house. Mom has paid everything for the last 3 years. But no more...welcome to real life asshole.

She got sick of his shit and told him he needed to get that power bill into his name since he obviously had no intention of letting her live in her own house. She would need to be able to get the power turned on at her new place which meant no more free ride for Daddy dearest.

Two months pass...nothing happens. The power bill is still in her name and he's still not paying it.

So Friday she put a disconnect order in. On the following Monday there will be no power at Dad's house. So there he is...sitting in the dark in his underwear, drinking bear, verbally and physically abusing his new "fiancee", ranting and raving about how misunderstood and mistreated he is and how generally shitty the big bad world has been to little old him.

Did I mention he's got no power? I think that's the most awesome part of the story.

The free ride is over dude.

My brothers are grown...they want nothing to do with you.

I'm tired of your shit and I'm tired of watching you continually fuck with the ones I love...I'm done with you.

You drove Mom nearly insane, to the point she made a decision that haunts her to this day...she's finished with you.

My grandparents are tired of being afraid of you, the bullying and intimidation is over...they're free of you.

While you sit in your darkened house, stop and consider this...you are alone. You've pushed away and alienated everyone who was ever close to you.

Enjoy that deafening silence motherfucker. It couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

God, I wish I could see his face when he gets home.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to make their own fashion choices.

2005-07-24T22:53:00.000-04:00

So Carla and I decided we wanted to see Wedding Crashers this weekend. It's probably one of the funniest flicks I've seen in a long time. It's crude, vulgar, sexual explicit and politically incorrect...I loved every fucking minute.

So after the movie was over, we were making the mandatory trip back to the car when we passed a group of people standing and talking. I happened to see something unexpected.

I glanced at Carla. She had the same look on her face that I must've been wearing.

DK : Uh...did you see anything unusual back there?
Carla : Yes. Yes I did.
DK : So I wasn't imagining it?
Carla : No. No you weren't.
DK : Why?
Carla : I honestly don't know.
DK : I'm literally speechless.
Carla : I know...me too.

I did some surfing when we got home and found a picture of what we saw so I could share with all of you...steady yourself. There's literally no reason for something like this to exist.

Are you ready? Then check this out...

That's right...someone, somewhere in the world decided that a LED belt buckle was not only a good idea, but also a product who's time had come. A LED lighted, programmable, scrolling fucking belt buckle...

What the fuck is wrong with our society?

You want to make a scrolling electronic statement? Well, far be it from me to stand in your way. I'll even help you come up with some stuff that will truly express the mystery that is YOU to the world.

So how about something like this :
I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...I'M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS...

Maybe that's too wordy...let's try this :
PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION...

Oh! Waitaminute...I've got it...this is perfect!
LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...LOOK, I'M STUPID!!...

No, no...there's no need to thank me. People like you are what keeps me entertained.

Goodbye Jim.

2005-07-21T12:18:00.000-04:00

Below is a cover to DC Comics Batman : A Death in the Family...somehow it just seemed to fit.

The Aparo Family has asked me to send this information out to all
parties. It is with the deepest regret I have to inform you of the
passing of the legendary Jim Aparo early Tuesday Morning, July 19,
2005. Mr. Aparo, who was 72, died from complications relating to a
recent illness. All Funeral arrangements will be a private ceremony
for Family and Friends of Jim.

Aparo, born in 1932, was primarily self-trained as an artist. After
years of working in commercial fashion design in Connecticut, his
first break in the comics field was with a comic strip called "Stern
Wheeler," written by Ralph Kanna, which was published in 1963 in a
Hartford, Connecticut newspaper for less than a year. In 1966, editor
Dick Giordano at Charlton Comics hired him as a comic book artist,
where his first assignment was a humorous character called "Miss
Bikini Luv" in "Go-Go Comics." Over the next few years at Charlton,
Aparo drew stories in many genres-Westerns, science fiction, romance,
horror, mystery, and suspense.

Aparo was notable for being one of the relatively few artists in
mainstream comics at that time to serve as penciler, inker, and
letterer for all of his work. These tasks were typically divided
between two or more artists.

In the late 1960s, Aparo moved on to National Publications/DC Comics,
which is where he came to fame in the Comics Community. Originally
starting at DC on the Aquaman title, he then moved on to also work on
the Phantom Stranger and DC's horror titles.

In 1971, Aparo worked on his first Issue of Brave & The Bold. Issue
98 featured the Phantom Stranger teaming up with Batman. Beginning
with Issue 102 Jim was then the regular artist on the series and
provided pencils & inks on almost every issue from 102 until the end
of the series with Issue 200. Jim's work on Brave and the Bold was
his favorite work of his time at DC as he truly considered the series
his "baby." Also during this period Jim did one of the seminal runs
on The Spectre, where his realistic style made the Ghostly character
truly come to life.

After the end of Brave and the Bold, Aparo was CO-creator for Batman
& The Outsiders and also worked on the regular Batman and Detective
Comics Series throughout the 1980s and early 1990s. most notably
doing the Pencils on the "Death in The Family" storyline, which
featured a phone-in vote deciding the fate of Robin II, Jason Todd.

Following a run on the regular Green Arrow Series, Aparo moved into
semiretirement, contributing an occasional special or cover and doing
a few private commissions before he eventually decided to move into
full retirement.

He is survived by his wife Julie, his 3 children, his 4 Grandchildren
and two step-grandchildren.

The Aparo family has asked that in lieu of Flowers or gifts, anyone
wishing to honor Jim's legacy make a contribution to any worthy
charity, as Jim believed that all charities were worth donating to.

For me, Jim Aparo's style defined the Dark Knight.

A lot of fans cite Bob Kane (Batman's creator), Neal Adams or Frank Miller as being the artist who best captured the feeling of Batman.

None of those guys ever drew anything that made me feel what that piece above does.

Goodbye Jim...you will be missed.

Nothing new to report...

2005-07-19T13:08:00.000-04:00

Still living the dream here.

Work has been slow the first part of this month...which sucks. Mainly because that means the last part of the month is going to blow chunks. We'll be working our asses off so we can be nice and stressed out and tired for August. Golly...how did I ever get to be such a lucky little boy.

The wife was home sick yesterday and the amount of understanding her situation received here at work was underwhelming at best. She's got what her doctor thinks is an ulcer and has been taking Nexium and a prescription antacid for the last couple of months.

So we were both surprised when she had a flare-up Sunday night. She literally stayed up all night crying and hurting. I slept maybe 3 hours, and felt like a dick for doing it as well. So when the morning came we both decided that she wasn't going to work since she'd been up all night sick.

Well, that decision was met with a mixture of coldness and contempt when I got to work and told our boss.

That's the kind of thing that really makes you feel good as an employee. It's a sort of "I don't give a damn how sick you are" mentality. The kind of people who decide you should put their business ahead of your health.

If they're sick then they stay home. If you're sick then you better suck it up and come into work.

That's not a double standard at all.

Luckily for my wife there's no way in hell I would ever allow her to be put into that position. She's sick and that's that. There'll be no arguement, there'll be no discussion on the subject. She's sick and she's not coming in.

Of course because she's been battling this for the last couple of months she's used all her sick days up so I get the whole "but she's out of sick days" crap. Why, yes. She is out of sick days. How observant of you to notice.

Let's go over the concept of the "sick day" for a second. A "sick day" is a day when you can be out sick but still receive payment for that days work. Once you've used them all you can still be out sick, but you simply will not be paid for that day. A "sick day" is not a day that you are given in which to be sick. Once you have used all your sick days it does not mean that you are then not allowed to be sick for the remainder of the calendar year.

That's a pretty important distinction, don't you think?

I thought so too.

My Solar piece is finished!

2005-07-18T10:34:00.000-04:00

Holy crap!

My Solar Commission from Anthony Castrillo is finished.

I couldn't have asked for this to have come out any better.

Excuse me whilst I do the happy dance...

Kneel before the "Master of Deals"!

2005-07-17T21:07:00.000-04:00

The book you are looking at is cool...very, very cool.

I've been greatly desiring to own this book for about 4 years. The first time I saw it was at my LCS (thats "Local Comic Store" to you poor uneducated slobs out there). I picked it up off the counter and afraid of what I might see, turned it over to see the price on the back.

I was crushed when I saw $75.00 on the back.

I knew that we could never be together, that beautiful book and I. So i resigned myself to a hollow and meaningless existence without that beautiful, perfect book.

But today, fortune smiled upon me. While the wife and I were strolling through a local bookstore, I saw something that nearly brought tears to my eyes. It was the book that got away.

Fearfully I walked up to it. I had been hurt before and I wanted to make sure that I didn't have my heart trampled on again.

I glanced at the rack with so many copies of that most treasured tome and saw, to my amazement, a price sticker that said $24.95.

I blinked...surely I had wandered into a dream. A wonderful, intoxicating dream.

I snatched up a copy and rushed to my wife...girlish laughter escaping my lips.

Do you know what my beautiful auburn haired wife said to me?

"Wow! That's awesome...are you going to buy it?"

Indeed I am, my dear lady. Indeed I am.

I think Aristotle said it best when he said "I rule...go me!"

Have you ever had a song pop into your head for absolutely no reason at all?

2005-07-16T13:09:00.000-04:00

As I was laying in bed last night attempting to drift off to slumberland, a song started going through my brain.

I tossed, turned, rolled over...nothing seemed to break the cadence of this damn song.

What song was it? It was the school song of the Christian school I attended for 12 years. Yeah, I'm asking myself the same question you are, "How the hell did he start thinking of his old Christian school song?"

I wish I knew, but there was rather funny and unexpected consequence to remembering that old ditty...I remembered the fake lyrics I made up to it. Wow, I was a little hellion.

Here are the original lyrics (I swear to God these are accurate...they're just that bad)

Midst the wars of sin that gather,
in a world thats pathos cold.
March forth the royal Cavaliers,
with swords we skyward hold.
Spreading truth and wisdom,
the Lord's school doth proclaim
that faithful to the Blue and Gold we ever will remain.
Yes Washington Avenue, Christian Cavaliers,
to you we 'ere proclaim,
with the help of God you gave us,
wisdom and honor to praise God's name.

I'll give you all a minute to compose yourselves after the involuntary wretching that I'm sure followed reading that horrendous song. Now do you all understand why I'm so screwed up? It's all finally starting to make sense now isn't it.

Ok, so here are "my" lyrics to the song...hilarity will ensue.

Midst the whores of sin that gather,
in a world that's fucking cold.
March forth the goddamn Cavaliers,
with dicks we skyward hold.
Spreading sperm and condoms,
this here school doth proclaim
that faithful to our own damn ass we ever will remain.
Yes Washington Avenue, Asshole Cavaliers,
to you we 'ere proclaim,
with the fucking lies sold us,
apathy and indifference to praise your name.

I think my version is a much truer representation of the school in general.

I can't imagine why I wasn't allowed to sing it during Chapel Services and why I was suspended for writing it...can you?

I am such an easy target.

2005-07-15T20:35:00.000-04:00

So I was online last night, surfing my favorite hangout, the Valiant Fans Bulletin Board when I happened up on some guys talking about the new Solar print from Dynamic Forces. Now I love me some Solar, but this print just doesn't do it for me. I was as surprised as anyone since I'm a huge fan of the artist Bob Layton. But for whatever reason, this particular piece just doesn't connect with me and as a result I was going to pass on purchasing it. Considering all the other Valiant related crap I've purchased over the years it's quite surprising to me that I've got no desire to add this to my collection.

I noticed that Anthony Castrillo, a former artist at Valiant Comics and member of the Valiant Board, shared my dislike of the Bob Layton litho and while he was waiting for a meeting he sketched out what the litho would've looked like if he had been commissioned to do it. I was floored. I've long been a fan of Anthony's art, all the way back to his short stint on Timewalker, but this piece was simply incredible. Here, check this out if you don't believe me :

Here's Bob Layton's Version...

and here's Anthony Castrillo's version...

So knowing Anthony as I do, I knew that more then likely this thing was headed for the trash. Most of the sketches he posts on the Valiant Boards are just quickie pieces that he does to kill time. Once he's posted them they either go into a drawer or get tossed into the trash.

I just couldn't let that happen to this one. It was simply too fucking sweet. So I sent him an e-mail asking what would he take to finish it up so I could hang it on the wall next to my Rai commission he'd done earlier this year.

While I was waiting on his reply I went to Bob Layton's website and found that he was selling the original artwork for his litho for $1500. I mean, damn. That's a lot of change. I was really hoping Anthony would be lower then that and I had every reason to think he would be much, much lower then that.

Finally this morning I get my reply from Anthony...$160 would make his Solar piece mine. He told me that he could have it finished by this afternoon and could have it out to me by the middle of next week. I agreed and went about securing the necessary cash to send off.

I secured the funds this afternoon. Shortly thereafter I received an e-mail with this attachment :

I cannot believe how awesome it turned out. Now I've just gotta figure out where I want to hang it.

I've made up my mind...

2005-07-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

I've wrestled with this for nearly half of my adult life.

I've suffered silently. I've just gone on despite my pain. I've been "a man" and just dealt with it.

But no more.

I don't want to work anymore. It sucks...and not in that "good" way either.

Now before you start up on me, hear me out. I've given it a honest attempt. Counting the years I've been at my current job I've been working for the last 16 years. I know that I'm biased, but I would call that a good, solid effort.

I've ignored my aches and pains. I've ignored my sicknesses. I've ignored my general shitty morning dispostion and soldiered on to work every goddamn morning. But I don't want to do it anymore.

I want to stay home, watch TV, play Xbox/PS2, eat dry cereal (Honeycombs preferably), play with my dog, lounge around in my underwear and basically succumb to apathy.

What exactly is so wrong with that?

Why "must" we continue on with the charade of modern life? If everyone agrees that money is the root of all evil why the hell do we continue to fuck around with it? What are we, stupid or something?

Would it really be so bad if we all didn't have to work for a living?

Fuck the power company. Fuck the credit card companies. Fuck my mortgage. Fuck my car insurance.

If I need gas for my car, I want to be able to just drive up, fill the tank and drive the hell off. Pay for a readily available natural resource? Fuck that! You do realize that shit just comes up out of the ground right?

I'm not paying for anything anymore.

I've tried it and I don't like it.

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!

2005-07-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

God hates me.

Here we are, a little over 3 days from the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and I've just had the fucking book ruined for me.

Goddamn the internet.

I was visting a movie website because they had posted a review of one of the early, early screening of the next Potter movie HP and the Goblet of Fire. I was reading the review since I've got no worries about runing the movie mainly due to the fact that I read the book 3 years ago. So i read the review and there are other comments under the main review posted by other readers like myself.

I usually skim through the "talkbacks" because sometimes there's some genuinely funny shit in there.

So as I'm reading all the comments on the movies and books so far, I stumble upon the one thing I didn't want.

Huge spoilers for the newest HP book.

There's no warning...no label that says "spoiler warning"...or even a line of preamble text that says "i'm going to ruin the whole fucking book...stop reading if you don't wanna know."

Nothing.

I can't un-see what i've just read. All I can hope for now is that this asshole is simply pulling this information out of his butt.

But with the news that official copies have been sold accidentally a full week early I doubt it.

Dammit.

You know what I just love?

2005-07-12T21:02:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been talking to someone only to realize, that despite the fact they're looking right at you and responding to everything you say, they're totally not listening to a thing you say? I mean they're listening...but they're not fucking listening.

Goddamn that pisses me the fuck off.

I took time out of my day to come talk to you. I'm trying to be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. I've got a valid fucking thought here...and all you can do is zone the fuck out while I'm trying to communicate with you.

I could be telling this dumbass anything...

Me : "Then I shoved a quarter stick of dynamite up my ass and lit the fuse with a really pissed off electric eel."

Oh and they're acting all attentive and shit...

Them : "Oh yea, I can see how hard that must be."

Me : "So while I had the electric hedge clippers out I decided to shave off all my eyebrows and then sell the hair to K.C. and the Sunshine Band."

...and they continue the pretend listening..

Them : "I hadn't thought of that...that's certainly a solution to our problem."

Me : "And then, in came Dennis Hopper, Emeril Lagasse and Lucifer himself all decked out in a skin-tight Elvis jumpsuit..."

Them : "Yeah, I can see how you might need to get them involved as well."

Goddamn it!!

How fucking inconsiderate can one person possibly be to another?!?!

What exactly is supposed to be my motivation to drag my ass back over here if I have another idea on how to help things out?

Me : "So I told the aliens they could stick the Hoover Dam up my ass but I was going to have to insist on at least 30 days in order to stretch my asshole out. What do you think of that idea?"

Them : "I think 30 days is certainly within reason."

Forget it. I don't even know why the fuck I bother.

All I hear is how "unengaged" I am.

Jesus Christ, I wonder why.

It's late and I'm tired...

2005-07-11T23:39:00.000-04:00

I guess that's a "no shit" kind of statement isn't it.

I had a good friend of mine read my last post and get kinda worried about me...which is flattering.

I wasn't in a particularly "contemplative" mood or anything...the idea just sorta hit me.

My best ideas are usually my first instinct so I tend to leap instead of look. Sometimes it works out...other times, not quite so much.

I suffer from "Foot in Mouth Syndrome". You can bet your last fucking dollar that at some point during the day I will say something totally uncalled for and potentially offensive. I swear to God it's a completely unconscious thing.

There's no "internal editor" in my head. My brain comes up with something and it proceeds directly out of my mouth. Do not pass go...do not collect $200.

Case in point. When I was about 11 years old my mother and father (also known as The Beast of the Apocalypse) decided they were going to get a new TV and I was to inherit the old one. Well there was only one problem...the old one sucked. My mom woke me up one morning and during the course of conversation, she told me her diabolical plan concerning me and the sub-par TV. I looked her dead in the eye...at 11 years old remember...and said the following :

But mom...I don't want that TV. The color on it is shitty. Why do I get the fucking crappy TV?

Holy shit...if there was a worse time to introduce my mother to my new vocabulary then I'd be hard pressed to determine when it was.

Once I regained consciousness, I picked myself up off the floor of the kitchen and got ready for school. We sat silently in the car on the way...it was a christian school by the way...Washington Avenue Christian School. Yeah, I know I shoulda paid more attention.

All this is pretty funny now considering I swear like a fucking madman in front of my mom all the time. I guess it's a little different when I'm standing in my kitchen as opposed to standing in hers.

I swear...I don't even have to try. I just say stupid shit...constantly.

Just ask Carla.

Something just doesn't feel right.

2005-07-10T13:40:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had the feeling that you weren't doing what you were supposed to be?

I don't mean like when you're sitting playing Madden 2005 when you should be washing dishes.

I mean you feel like you're not doing what you were put on the Earth to do. Which would be fine if you only knew what the hell you were supposed to be doing. A little fucking help would be appreciated...c'mon, gimmie a fucking clue.

I mean is it a vocation...like doctor, lawyer or rocket scientist?

Is it something artistic...like acting, writing or painting?

Is it sociological in nature...like councilling, mentoring or public service?

Shit...there's so much stuff it could be it's not even funny. Does fate/God/Allah/whatever you personally believe give you any direction at all? Hell no. All you get is the subtle, nagging feeling that you're not meant to sit at a desk all day and shuffle papers...but that's pretty much the extent of the help you're given.

Well thanks a fucking lot.

It could be virtually anything. Maybe I'm meant to be a Circus Ringmaster.

Fuck.

I hate the circus.

Ahhhh...Saturday.

2005-07-09T16:58:00.000-04:00

As I sit here in my quiet house, unfettered by the bothersome requirements of "civilized" society, I come to realize that Saturday rocks.

I have accomplished absolutely nothing today...and it's feels spectactular.

I could've gotten up early to cut the grass...but I didn't. I slept until almost 11am.

I could've done some housecleaning or straightening up...but I didn't. I surfed the internet and played World of Warcraft.

Carla and I could've stayed home, read a book and not gone shopping in order to save money...but we didn't. We went to Target and bought some patio furniture and other assorted knick-knacks she's been wanting.

We could've come home and done much needed laundry...but we didn't. She took a nap and I continued my internet activities.

There were a lot of things we could've done today. But there was nothing I would rather do then simply nothing. Does that make me lazy? Am I too relaxed? Should we have spent our day "better"?

Who cares. I didn't do a goddamn thing all day long. 24 hours has passed and I haven't accomplished a fucking thing.

It feels wonderful.

Apparantly, they have changed the meaning of the word scheduled.

2005-07-08T12:23:00.000-04:00

Once again, the meeting I was supposed to have yesterday, which has been rescheduled no less then 3 times already, has been...rescheduled.

That's not getting old at all...no sir. I love having things like that cancelled at the last minute. It gives me the warm fuzzies.

Look, I understand that sometimes things that were planned to happen at a particular time have to be adjusted due to unforeseen changes. But jesus...call me crazy, but I think this is getting a little excessive.

Now I'm not saying it's being done on purpose. I'm sure that the people organizing these meetings are just as anxious to get them over with as I am...so I'm not implying that the rescheduling is being done on purpose. But they have to know that it's extremely frustrating to continually have the rug pulled out from under you like that...whether they can control it or not.

Sigh.

I saw another scary tidbit in a newsletter yesterday...
"There will be food, fun and Cincinnati's favorite game : cornhole"
Holy crap...people actually make a game out of that? Doesn't that involve violating someone's backside with a corncob? How the hell does that become the favorite pastime of Cincinnati?

That naturally leads my mind to some interesting questions. Such as, what are the rules in cornholing? Is there an amateur/professional league...like the NCL (the National Cornhole League)? Who was the cornholing MVP last year...and how exactly do they prepare during the offseason?

Sweet jesus...where do people come up with this stuff?

I've never been so afraid to live in a state that proudly sports a large peach-like butt thing right off a major interstate. What if someone from Cincinnati sees it...will we be invaded by cornhole enthusiasts?

I'll tell you one thing, I'm never turning my back on a tourist again.

Am I too foul-mouthed for my wifes friends and family?

2005-07-07T12:15:00.000-04:00

My wife and I were talking last night about our blogs and she was talking about all the links she had set up to other sites. As she was listing them off I waited in breathless anticipation for the inevitable call of "Cinlach's Place".

When she finished, my eyes narrowed as I went back through the list mentally...I was in there wasn't I? Surely in my excitement I simply missed my blog's name. I finished reciting the sites she has given me and I realized that mine wasn't there.

"Hey babe...you forgot mine", I said as I looked at her.

Her eyes darted around the room. "I'm not linking yours."

What?

After gaining my composure enough to ask why, she told me that I had a lot of adult language on my blog and she was afraid that her family would click on it and catch an "F-Bomb" right in their face.

I started to get upset...I started to go off on a rant.

But then, as if from nowhere, two words formed in my mind.

"Fuck it."

What was the point in getting upset? Would that change anything? The answer was of course, no.

So, fuck it. Why bother. I'd carry on with my writings, unaffected by anyone who did or didn't care for them.

Fuck it. This is my blog, these are my thoughts, and I'll not change them for anybody.

The definition of "scheduled"...

2005-07-06T22:18:00.000-04:00

Here's Miriam-Webster's definition of the word "scheduled" :

Main Entry: schedule
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): sched·uled; sched·ul·ing
1 a : to place in a schedule b : to make a schedule of
2 : to appoint, assign, or designate for a fixed time
- sched·ul·er noun

So with that as our starting point...can someone please show me how "scheduled" can be transmuted into meaning "whenever we feel like doing it" in the real world. Because my friends, people with that awesome power exist in my world.

You schedule a meeting. The meeting is scheduled...if someone isn't ready for the meeting then that's their problem...we scheduled it over 2 weeks ago, why is it that now, on the appointed and scheduled day of our meeting you are unprepared for the meeting that you, yes...you, scheduled.

Let me pose to you, dear reader, a strictly hypothetical scenario. Let's say that someone in a position of authority over you has scheduled a meeting with you. Now let's say that this meeting was planned literally months in advance and was rather important to you as it pertained to your potentially rising earnings...let's just say, shall we.

Now, in this hypothetical scenario what would you think if on the day of your scheduled meeting, a meeting set months in advance remember, you off-handedly heard that your meeting would not occur. On top of this, dear reader, you weren't even told by the person who had scheduled the meeting in the first place but instead received this knowledge from someone who also had a scheduled meeting for that day cancelled as well.

"Well", you think to yourself, "Something obviously more important came up. Surely someone wouldn't postpone a scheduled meeting unless it was important."

So a few days later, hypothetically mind you, you receive a memo from the person who scheduled your first meeting. The memo contains an entirely new list of scheduled meetings. So now you at last and finally have your set in stone meeting date.

Lo and behold, on the scheduled date of your meeting, once again you are pushed aside. You begin to wonder if maybe you've misunderstood the meaning of the word scheduled after all these years. "Could I really have using it incorrectly for all this time?" you ask yourself.

But look...on your desk...a new memo, with a new list of scheduled meetings. Once again you see your name and feel safe and secure knowing that you will, at last, have your scheduled meeting.

Unfortunately for you, fate has a cruel trick planned for you. For on the re-re-rescheduled date of your meeting you find that once again your meeting has been postponed.

By this point and time the philosophy you've probably adopted is "fuck them and their meeting". You should be allowed to have your righteous indignation...right? Oh no, I'm afraid not.

See, as it turns out, in this strange and confusing world you've found yourself apart of, it's perfectly normal and totally acceptable to schedule meetings at will without ever feeling bad about canceling them at a moments notice.

Can you imagine how frustrating that situation might be if you were to suddenly find yourself in that exact predicament, dear reader?

I sure can.

Happy 5th of July...fuckers.

2005-07-05T17:28:00.000-04:00

Well, so it's the day after the 4th and I feel the same as I did before.

I may get jumped on for this but what the fuck...like I'm afraid of speaking my mind.

I don't get all wrapped up in this "patriotism" nonsense. I do not trust my government...at all, ever, period. Does that make me a terrible American? So be it...I'm sure I can struggle through life somehow with that knowledge. I simply do NOT trust politicians. No one spends 4 million dollars to win an office that pays $400k a year. The people who spend that money are doing it because they want power and recognition...those are not the types of people who act selflessly, or with the best interests of others in mind. They're looking out for themselves and their beliefs. Unfortunately, their "beliefs" are rather flexible and can be quite easily influenced by money or more power.

I have nothing against the troops...so don't hit me with that bullshit. I can despise the people putting our military in harms way and not hate every single member of our armed forces. I do, however, believe that the top military people are often just a reprehensible as the politicians. Senior military leaders care nothing for the lives they sacrifice. They order men off to their deaths and go home to their nice safe suburban home, turn on their home alarm, and crawl into bed knowing that no matter what happens they'll never be in harms way.

Meanwhile the common soldier is bleeding and dying in Iraq, Afganistan or wherever else it is we're invading this week. They get up every morning and never know whether or not this will be their last day on Earth. They are used and traumatized for the glory of "W".

Remember the first gulf war? When our soldiers were coming back sick and dying from "Gulf War Syndrome" and no one believed that they had been exposed to some disease causing agent? These men were (and some still are) sick to the point of dying after fighting for their country and surviving...and what did our country do in return once they finally got home and realized they were sick? That's right...they were refused benefits and were scoffed at...called liars and hysterics.

Gee, thanks Uncle Sam. I'm sure glad I decided to listen to that "be all that you can be" bullshit.

Don't we have a whole fucking country full of sick and repressed people? What about the goddamn homeless? What about all the abandoned children? What about the drug problem? What about the shitty-ass education our children are receiving? What about the goddamn Supreme Court wiping it's ass with the Constitution on a daily fucking basis? What about the psycho killers roaming our damn streets preying on our children, friends and family?

Fuck Afganistan and fuck Iraq!

Let these people sort out their own misanthropic lives...we've got shit here in this country that needs to be taken care of first. As long as there are women in this country being abused, raped or killed I don't give a fuck about the women in Afganistan or Iraq. We need to look after our own FIRST...then put on our black masks and pretend we're the Lone fucking Ranger.

And who the hell are we to tell ANYONE how to live? Do you know how fucked up this country and it's citizens are? This is a culture that allows people like Paris Hilton to become celebrities simply because she sucked some guys cock and were stupid enough to let him film it! If Paris Hilton is so damn famous for that, why isn't every other crack whore in the country just as famous? Fuck! Americans are dumb as hell...all we want to talk about is Tom "crazy ass Scientologist" Cruise or whether of not Brad Pitt is fucking Angelina Jolie. Am I the only person that doesn't fucking care??? Am I the one with something wrong with me...or is everyone else around me out of their fucking minds?

Jesus Christ! Is it any wonder I'm on Zoloft?!?!

Just checking in...

2005-06-26T21:53:00.000-04:00

i haven't posted anything in awhile so i thought i'd pop in to share some thoughts.

so whats new...hmmmm.

well i've been working quite a lot...which is never fun. but since i don't want the wrong person reading this and "dropping a dime on me" (that's redneck for ratting me out) i'll refrain from making too many negative comments about my job. let's just say that it's still work and they still have to pay me to do it.

i went to see batman begins a couple of weeks ago and it fucking rocks. someone needs to grab joel "fuck up a wet dream" shumacher and force him to watch it over and over again. occasionally beating the fuck out of him and yelling stuff like "arnold sucks!" or "clooney?!?...what the FUCK??" or my personal favorite "bend over joel, time to do to you what you did to the batman franchise you cocksucker!".

my wife and i were hanging with some friends at a local bar when we learned that one of my good friends is adopting 2 children from overseas. to me that's just fucking awesome. i mean, i know we have orphaned/abandoned children here in the states but children from overseas have much less chance to lead a happy and full life then the kids here. besides that, i know these 2 folks will be spectacular parents and i sincerely wish all the best for them.

my wife and i just got back from herocon '05 in charlotte, nc. i'm a big comic fan and i love going to events like that. i used to work for the guy who was running the con and despite the fact he fucked me over at a point in my life when i really needed him to stand by me, i still pop in occasionally since that's the only real big con with a couple of hours drive. i mean dragoncon is in atlanta but i'd rather burn off my eyebrows with a candle then drive to atlanta for anything. also, dragoncon isn't strictly a "comic" con...there were quite enough stormtroopers, klingons, ghostbusters and overweight chicks dressed as anime characters at a regular comic con...but i do have to say that the supergirl i saw was absolutely smokin' hot.

i saw a bunch of people i used to work with and a lot of old friends. i didn't make a damn dime working at the comic store but those were some of my best days. i never hated going to work. i hung out with buddies and friends all day long. i had a killer 40% discount so i could really feed my comicbook addictions. it was great. i could never do something like that now..."mature" life has encroached too far for that to happen.

so now that i've bored you to tears i suppose i'll sign off for now...but fear not, i shall return.

Just some random nutty-ness...

2005-05-31T21:43:00.000-04:00

some of my favorite REAL names i've seen recently:

gordon glasscock
deborah stitt
mike sass
venus tingly
charles deathrage
ebony gunn
stephanie zweiner
richard "dick" puffer

and don't get me started on the names some people give their children...good god.

what happened to "william" or "mitchell" or "scott" for fucks sake?

why do we as americans feel the need to name our children "octavian", "tequilla", "laterine" and "bizovian"?

i mean i can see ethnic names...i've got no problem with a vietnamese family naming their son "phan" because it actually has a meaning in vietnamese...but when you just make up shit for no reason (see "nosharian") or decide that the regular spelling just isn't good enough ("veroniqua" comes to mind) then someone needs to step in. we might actually need a government agency who basically says "you want to name your child what?!? fuck no...pick again".

newsflash...a "spectacular" or "flashy" name does NOT immediately signal something special is in store for your little kiddies life. go ahead, keep naming those little "ambrosia", "brooks" and "trevor" babies...and remember that no matter how bad you want it, your childs future is totally out of your hands. what's in a name? nothing. want proof? colin powell.

while we're talking about things that just don't make sense...there's nothing like checking the calendar of a assisted living home and seeing the following ACTUAL events listed:
wet t-shirt contest (i mean...ewww)
happy hookers (tee hee!)
mens club trip to hooters (ewww again)
hand stimulation (whose hand?...stimulating what?)
aromatherapy in the organ area (thats just gross...)

or seeing an apartment community having a pool party with guidelines that read:
clothing optional
no clothes allowed
bathing suits not required

i mean, jesus christ...am i the ONLY person who reads shit like this and snickers out loud?

i mean when you have an event at 11am called "movie and popcorn" and then an event at 2pm called "passing corn" what the fuck am i supposed to think?

if i was the family of one of these residents i'd be horrified that grandpa might actually be forced to pass corn exactly at 2pm every saturday afternoon. god damn, don't these old people have enough problems already?

when i get old i'm locking myself in my room and i'm never coming out...don't bother trying to get me to come to the "lotion in motion" social. i'm not fucking going. you guys knock yourselves out.

I just slept 14 hours...

2005-05-30T13:50:00.000-04:00

i had tickets to the coca cola 600 last night and my mother and i went...jesus christ that was the longest race i've ever been to. they had a caution almost every other lap (22 in all), 25% of the 400 laps were run under caution. it was boring as fuck. rusty did lead some laps and got a top 10 finish in his final coke 600 which made me a happy camper.

otherwise it was just a long, long, long night...race lasted over 5 hours. goddamn.

so anyways, since no one's reading this anyway i guess that'll be all.

So...first post...guess that makes me a "blog" virgin. Please be gentle.

2005-05-28T17:47:00.000-04:00

first thing you need to know about me is that i don't get hung up on this serious "grammar" thing when i type. if that's gonna be a problem then i think it's best for all involved if you bail now...it's not going to get any better for you or the other members of the nazi proofer party.

face it, the english language is totally subject to the people who speak it. it's always growing and evolving...need proof? how about the addition to or deletion of words everytime they put out a new dictionary.

with that being said as the basis of my argument, using that rationale i can basically say or type anything i want and if it's not "grammatically correct" now then there's always the possibility it will be sometime in the future. so what i say might be technically wrong now but in 100 years i'll be hailed as a renaissance man and all the violently obnoxious grammar checkers will be relegated to the "forgotten asshole" catagory.

yes...i am an asshole. the sooner you accept this truth as well the smoother this whole thing will go.